I woke up at totally the wrong time today. Not that I had to be up and didnt wake up, no, it was in the middle of a very amusing dream damn it.

So there was an asylum and crazy people were amusingly crazy not sociopath crazy and I... think I worked there? Anyway Something Nefarious was afoot somewhere and some friends and I were investigating. This led to a cliffside scene of randomness and Talking Intently and then a montage, and one of the friends helping was played by Mark Wahlberg. We don't know why.

Of course, then the asylum blew up. Right in front of me. I freaked out because what about my nice happy crazy people omg?! And chaos, running around, more pyrotechnics, and nearly dying, which is when Antonio Banderas showed up and hugged me because he had been Worried OMG You Almost Died.

... I wasn't aware we had cast Antonio in this movie. But lo, there he is. And he wasn't just Antonio Banderas but like, the concept of Antonio Banderas, if you concentrated him into Super Spanish Sex God status.

So he was awesome and SPEAKING SPANISH. As he does. I don't often dream in Spanish so that was cool. But he hugged me and then I was shaking because of the nearly dying and being twitchy from random stuff asploding right by me. And possibly due to being hugged by a Spanish Sex God, because that can make any girl a little distracted...

But the awesome part came when I was all shaky and sniffling and he hugged me, and then went "I'm so turned on." Or something to that effect, as a reference to some kind of long-time in-joke so the audience could know we were friends. Dream me cracked up and forgot to be scared of exploding explosions and was like "All this nearly dying and I'm going to actually die of Spanish Testosterone Overload."

And then Mark Wahlberg came back and was visibly less amused. He was the Best Male Friend god damn it! And prospective love interest! Where the hell did this GQMF come from??! His agent is gonna hear about thiiiiis!!!!

Which somehow explains why Mark was driving me and Antonio back to Antonio's house on the outskirts of the... town? village? And I got out only to be stopped with an Impassioned Plea and a "Don't go with him!" speech which I was like "Mark, I'll drop by your place later. Maybe you can go shag someone in the mean time, yes?"

I still am not sure why Antonio Banderas was living in a kick ass huge Bedoin tent, but hey, we'll go with it. Possibly he was a gypsy? A really loaded gypsy. With a plasma tv.

So that was how I was kicking back in the couch in the tent, catching up with Antonio about life and the wandering gypsy/mercenary/etc gig, when we got distracted by the fact we were supposed to be hooking up now and should probably get on that.

Of course, right as his shirt came off, I woke up.

AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE LIVED IN A TENT.



from anubis_8 :
1. If you were a fictional character, which one would it be? Which one are you most like?
I don't know, but if I listen to obislollipop and brittanygrace I'd say I'd be someone out of a chick lit novel. Probably one with vampires and stuff blowing up. Unfortunately I haven't read any urban fantasy with a character that I identified with much yet...

. ... WAIT! I know this answer! ROSE TYLER from Dr Who. Travel the universe, save the world a zillion times, fall for the Dr, cross time and space and parallel worlds! Blow stuff up! I would be Rose. Times a million.

I'm not sure who I actually am most like. I'd say I have some similarities to Rose though, but I'm pretty sure she's nicer than I am. ... Deep down I'm a lot like Serena Van Der Woodsen from Gossip Girl.

2. How did you discover the SCA, and what brought you in?
I found out about it in high school but was nowhere near a group... then I met Zephyr in college and she convinced me to go with her to an event. I grew up in a family that's obsessed with history so that's always given me the background to love the historic reenactment thing, and then I made friends with people in SCA itself and the rest sort of snowballed.

3. If you could magically acquire one crafty skill out of thin air, what skill would you want and why?
Does archery count? I'd love to be an archer. And maybe be able to track stuff. I don't know why, and I'd never use it unless it was the apocalypse but... yeah. Maybe being a kickass horsewoman because then I could just not worry about getting out of my element when being pursued by angry post-apocalyptic peasant mobs.

Possibly you mean crafty in the sense of crafts though? And for that I have no idea. Maybe wood carving, becuase that's what my grandfather was awesome at and it would make him happy that I could do it.

4. If you had to sum yourself up in one song, what would it be?
Depends on what mood I'm in.

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance
Marsh King's Daughter - Eisley
The Bomb - Bitter Sweet

5. What's your ultimate night out?
Me and my best friends loose in Vegas with unlimited cash. Or maybe Montenegro, and we could hop between countries and recover in a villa on the Black Sea when we woke up from our mad spree. Somehow I want Carnivale included in this, however... hm.

Ok, so a Carnivale-inspired masquerade ball in Montenegro, unlimited funds in the casino, our favorite liquors flowing freely, a string of clubs with awesome music and great dance floors, and a private jet to take us off to our recovery spot in the Greek Isles or on the Black Sea (I won't be picky). Trouble would be figuring out how she ended up with three wedding rings and no visible husbands, Jade would be pretending she didn't make out with a Russian pop singer, Sansa would be trying to get the blue dye to come out of her hair (and praying no one asked about the painted-on bikini), Serena would be dragging a set of triplets home, D would have a set of Playboy blondes in his room he didn't remember (and possibly an emu), J would have made out with a 60-year-old society matron with a kinky side, I'm not sure anyone would have any clue where Juliet ended up until she called us two days later from St Tropez... And that would just be part of the havoc.

Soo... kind of like the Hangover. But with more girl participants, shopping sprees, and a few Marines. I would also accept the addition of some gorgeous vampires and maybe some ninjas or something. I am not responsible for anything obislollipop does to the vampires while she is under the influence, however. And if any hot Cuban, possibly-mercenary security types show up, I am not responsible for anything that brittanygrace orreaderjane might happen to do, either.

Mostly just a wickedly decadent night with my bffs and friends, with great music and sparkly lights. I'd love it if it wasn't just the usual party crowd either- if friends from overseas and stuff got to come too.

I had dreams all night last night. Weird ones. And I kept being very insanely frustrated because stuff kept waking me up and they were fun dreams... Not that kind of fun. Um, ok, there was one that was that kind of fun up until the getting woken up happened.

But still, I was running around in Narnia, and then I was blowing stuff up with leet vampiyar ninjas. Not Narnian stuff, I'm not a barbarian. We were attacking Calormen! And then I was in Dorne, being all cool at a party because apparently Dorne and Calormen share a border. Which makes me worry that someone might let a Bolton loose in the Lantern Waste... although that would explain The Last Battle.

And I was just to the part of the evening where I was wearing a Breakfast at Tiffanys outfit and brushing off the Leet Vampiyar Captain to go blow shit up with James Bond when the stupid phone rang.

Later I was hanging out in Some Random Garden with some random girls. There was a random conversation of Great Meaning about fish. I don't know why.

I do remember that I was making out with someone I knew in real life in Some Random Hallway and was a little concerned because I never make out with real people in my dreams unless they're a celebrity (which doesn't count). I couldn't explain it to him though, and then I was distracted because apparently my subconscious has a sick sense of humor and I was wearing FULL DAMN TUDOR GARB. Wtf, subconcious? wtf? Because sure I can pick up the skirts and all but damn that corseting is murder. My Florentine's bad enough but at least I can bend in it! Nooo let's put us in Tudor so there is no moving!

It was just odd because I've been so stressed, and usually that's when my subconscious is all "Let's dream about EVERYONE DIES OF GIANT BATRAPTORS... Or how we will all live lives blessed with MY LITTLE PONIES." Tbh the My Little Ponies pastel dreams are the worst.

Look I don't understand my subconscious, I just live with it.

Applied to several other positions today. Probably not going to hear back on any of them... but maybe. There's always hope.

O_o  Had strange dreams.

I was in our old house- the one I grew up in until the divorce- and I was dancing in the empty front room, complete with its hideous dark paneling and green carpet (what was with that moment of DREARY that every decorator seemed to have circa the late 60s-70s???!). It wasn't all that weird until I looked up and the picture window was overlooking a landscape that included no corn fields but lots of mountains. And then I went back to dancing until I noticed that there were water spouts when I landed certain jumps.

Then I played water spout hopscotch until I realized that possible THERE SHOULD NOT BE WATER SPOUTING FROM THE FLOOR. What if it gave way or something? Due to being wet and OMGMOLD??! 

I went in search of someone to fix it. I found my mother, who didn't believe me even when I jumped and water spouted. What water, honey? Oh that wasn't water. You're imagining it! So then I went to someone else who was like "Well it's ok, we're going south anyway. King's Landing will be so much fun!!" HOW AM I IN WESTEROS??!

Then mom poked her head back in to tell me that I needed to hurry up and get ready and if I was that concerned about the well that I should go look in the crawlspace. (The house has no basement, just a crawlspace which is/was a place I was Not Allowed To Go as a kid and come to think of it that was probably where mom hid the Christmas presents because I was sort of disinclined to disobey about it...)

I had to go to the guest bedroom and empty the closet, the lift up the section of flooring....

AND THERE WAS GIMLI. Lord of the Rings, Orc-killing GIMLI.  F*CKING GIMLI WAS JUST CHILLAXING, floating there under the floorboards in the water that was apparently filling the crawlspace. He opened his eyes and was all "'Sup, human?" 

I sat down cross-legged and stared for a second, then realized that this WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. Of course there was a dwarf in the basement! Wasn't there always a dwarf in the basement? But what about the water? Was he drowning? 

"I'm dead! How can I drown?"

Right. "You're dead? But I thought you were alive! You can't live down there and be dead!" 

"And yet I do." 

I sat on the carpet in the empty closet, talking to an undead dwarf in the water. I think I got him a beer and I was concerned about the other dwarfs who lived in the caves and whether or not they agreed with Gimli building a recreational pool under the house. He was saying something about not meaning to get it so full when I woke up.

I guess moral to the story is that you shouldn't build a house in the Dead Marshes? Or let your undead caretaker dwarf get bored enough to try recreational architecture? 

Anyway, after that I got up and took an aspirin just in case of fever.

I wonder what it all means....

Verbatim note found on the rough draft of my entertainment feature:
 "Use smaller words for audience." 
Word in question: dilapidated. 
Audience in question: college students. 
... 
...  
Yes. Yes indeed. 

MEME from

unanon: (who loves my icons. awww!)
Reply to this post and will list 3 things that I love about you. Maybe more than 3. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love. 

ALSO... Reply to this post and I will choose 7 interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this, along with your answers, in your journal so others can play along. 

My interests which piqued her curiosity: 
1. Tofog - (link to their homepage) Tofog is an acronym for Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts, which is Russell Crowe's band. He is the singer, and I swear to you that hearing him croon 'Oblique is my love' is a whole new kind of hot.
2. Tech N9ne - (link to the wikipedia page) He is my soundtrack to all my demonic streetsmart urban fantasy bits. Badassery just oozes from the music (except for occasional hints of wtf). Tech is a rapper who enjoys some heavy popularity in Kansas City, and is one of the only rappers I can generally listen to. Mainly because his lyrics hit like bullets. No, really. He sounds like linguistically-inclined machine gun fire on some songs. It's awesome. My fave album of his is Anghellic or Absolute Power. There's one song entitled 'Slither' that is about a demonic stripper. Made of win. I'm a Playa (it samples Rock Me Amadeus), T9X, I'm a Slacker, Tormented, It's Alive, Psycho Killer, She Devil, Here Comes Tekka Nina are my faves. Here is his homepage, with some mp3s available. 

3. Lady Lovelylocks - It was the story of the pretty blond duchess of Lovelylocks Land who was gifted by the dawn with colorstreaks in her hair, and she had a bunch of pretty little creature things called PixieTails with flowing tails who combed her hair and told her stories and informed her when the evil jealous brunette Duchess Ravenwaves and her evil CombGnomes were concocting another evil scheme. Of course, through it all Lady had her pretty little pet Silkypup who was really the enchanted Prince Strongheart.  OMG. STOP LAUGHING. 

This is possibly the girliest girly girl 80s cartoon to ever girly itself across a tv screen and into your toybox. It was pink and pastel and coated in ribons and sugar and flowing hair and puffy sleeves and I loved it, damn you. even though I thought Ravenwaves was prettier and had a better dress.  

4. Afterin - Afterin is the world thatsister_of_night and I created when we were... 11? Well, it existed before then, but we sort of named it and began the story of it right around then. It was a kingdom we could access together, being the lost princesses, exiled by our evil mother after she murdered our father and stole the throne. It evolved from there, into separate tales of our banishment and travails. At first it was fantasy but quickly became an interplanetary game of politics and war as we discovered Star Wars, with occasional robots (Power Rangers) and later transvestites (Rocky Horror) and then vampires (Night World, see below). Plus some elves and Roman Generals, Indiana Jones, German armies, cranky wizards, dragons, sociopaths and strange gods. 

It's got its own language, customs, pantheon, calendar, and philosophies. We made it the escape route when we couldn't understand the world we were in, we made one by our own rules that we damned well could. Physics doesn't work so well in Afterin, but evolution does. Marriage doesn't, but true love does.  And everyone is a little mad there.

5. Etruscans - Etruscans are like the kick-ass ancient party people the Romans kicked out of the building for being too awesome. And after Etruria got them the apartment too. There's gratitude for you.  Etruscan culture and art is just amazing from what we know of it. Women were shockingly equal, free to do stuff, and they had pretty dresses. Life was a party and the Etruscans knew just what to do with a party. They had a strange double pipe instrument they played and it went on hunts too, according to artwork. Whether it was to entertain the hunters or tame the wild beasts, who knows? 

Their empire was trading and slaving, though. But it was apparently a slave revolt that tumbled them into history. Sad. The Romans are way less fun to read about. 

6. Night World - It's a series of young adult urban fantasy romance-centered books by LJ Smith. And it was my 12-14-year-old self's crack. I was rabid. I reread Soulmate until the book nearly fell apart. It's all about how the Night World is not a place, it's the secret society of vampires, werewolves and shapeshifters that exists all around us silly humans. Night Worlders are forbidden to fall in love with humans, but there's a thing called the Soulmate Principle which means that everyone has a soulmate, one true love, who is their destined partner. And sometimes you find them. Sometimes a Night Worlders soulmate is a human. Add into that a prophecy that 4 people with awesome powers will have to battle it out to save the world from the Old Powers That Be at the end of the millennium, then you have a kick ass series. 

7. Libba Bray - Libba Bray is a writer whose first book blew me away completely. A Great and Terrible Beauty is one of the best books I've ever read. I compulsively reread it about once a year, and every time the characters and the beauty of her descriptions just captivate me. It's a first person present tense tale of a 16-year-old girl in 1893. She has grown up in India, but after her mother's mysterious and terrifying death, she's sent to London and put into finishing school. Amid repressive Victorian aristocratic mores, she's having mystical visions and discovering her power to step into the mystical and somewhat frightening Realms. The sequel Rebel Angels is awesome in a different way as it gives you more a feeling of the characters and their growth. I can't wait for the third one. It's out in December. EEEE!!! Gothic tales of finishing school, supernatural hijinks, secret societies and Dire Secrets. What's not to love? 

Dreamcrack, ahoy! 

I had a very strange dream. 

I was for some reason running around with Colin Farrell, when we noticed the sky was an unhealthy shade of grey-green that boded very badly for our continued well being. Ominous clouds and darkness were approaching as the wind began to pick up. Concerned, we made for .... the library. Of my hometown. I think we were actually heading back to our old house which was right behind the library but has been torn down for a few years. Yet the house was magically present. 

As were a row of streetlamps, and people clinging to them. Yes, people clinging to streetlamps. We go over to investigate and are frantically hailed by Riddick (Vin Diesel in sunglasses anyway), who informs us that we are in mortal danger and what the hell are we doing running around like this, we should be tying ourselves to trees and deeply-rooted streetlamps so we don't get sucked up in the oncoming TORNADO OF DOOM. 

All cellars and inside-bits of houses are apparently flooded and/or contaminated by deadly mold. Or something. 

So I am talking to Vin and Colin, when the wind kicks it up another notch. I'm getting knocked sideways, and Vin yoinks me to him and sort of ties me onto his lamppost. Colin is like "Take care of her, dude, I gotta go see about Some Really Important Thing And Save The World Maybe." Apparently I am playing the Hapless Love Interest at this point and also I was seriously becoming a leaf on the wind, so I was like "Bye, honey. I'll be with the lamppost should you need me." 

The TORNADO OF DOOM descends. At the last moment there is a horrible screaming sound coming from just down the street. OMG. The DAYCARE CENTER!! And it is where Riddick's GirlPerson is tied up to her rock, but somethin has Gone Horribly Awry. 

Riddick unties himself and runs to her rescue, as I yell encouragement to hurry his well-muscled ass up because I am not picking up the Riddick-bits if he dies.  He laughs like a token courageous doomed friend and takes off. I sob because he is so dead and Colin is also dead since he still hasn't gotten back and the world is most definitely unsaved. I do not have long to mourn though since the TORNADO OF DOOM is descending in all its greenlit glory. 

The wind howls and tears at my cute miniskirt as I cling all sexily to the lamppost. But OH NOEZ mah hands are slippin!! Horrorrrrrrr......... I am a leaf on the wiiii--- OW. I am caught. Someone muscley and yummy-smelling has me tackled. GEORGE CLOONEY. I kid you not. George effing Clooney. 

Oh no, I am not saved by Colin or Riddick, but by GEORGE CLOONEY. 

The TORNADO OF DOOM abates and I thank him tremulously and such, receiving the charming Clooney charm and UberCharisma that sets my panties in danger of falling right down even though I don't think he's hot or my type. Yet I have already lost all thought of poor doomed Colin and Riddic. 

I wibble a bit and consider how long it would take me to get to the sexx0rz what with the celebrating our survival and all, when I realize that ZOMGRIDDICKISOMGDEADISH. Clooney and I go to investigate Riddick. He is mostly dead, lying wounded by a large rock. 

I sob and scream for a doctor and generally act liek a useless General Love Interest because we don't seem to have cars in this land of Gray and Foggy Stormy DOOM. Clooney tells me to stay with Riddick and he thinks he knows where to find help. I stay with the dying Riddick and fix his sunglasses and tell him stories about shiny happy ponies and strawberry shortcakes. All is quiet until I have my brainmoment of OMGTORNADO??! TORNADOES HAVE EYES. And yep, we are in the eye. I tie Riddick and myself to the rock in the nick of time as the second bit hits us. 

Somehow,  after that I find my ex boyfriend Denzel Washington and have a tearful reunion as I tell him that I have lost both Clooney and Colin and cannot figure out where they went. He is head of some leet ninja squad but they can't find them either, so I go to see Riddick and meet his adorable doctor Karl Urban. Who carries a gun.  I was just about to find out why a doctor needed a gun when I woke up. I am sad that I did not find out. 

In conclusion, I think it is safe to say that my subconscious really needs to get laid.

Either way, I don't expect that it's all that important since I am now a margarita cleverly disguised as a young woman. I like this being a margarita business much better than that silly humanity nonsense. Much less drama. Or so I hope.

I could have celebrated Chinese New Year (or some Chinese holiday- I couldn't quite understand Z, there was too much background noise), but I was not in the proper locale for that. The proper locale being the Ville. Or China.

This computer is clearly molasses disguised as a piece of 21st century technology. Very rude of it.


Where was I? Oh yes, I was about to tell you that I am happy to announce taht I did not marry anyone last night, as I had feared. Certainly I did not marry Pyro from X-Men who was bearing a startling resemblance to that blond boy from Gilmore Girls. No matter how well he flew. And Professor X was not as mad as I had thought he would be over us accidentally destroying the Main Hall of Hogwarts. In fact, surprisingly, he wasn't mad at all, since he ceased to exist after I woke up. Sadly, so did Pyro.

I talked with obislollipop today. She and I really are too much alike, in a good way. It's nice to know she has a voice and is not some random typed up figment of my imagination. And the place where she works, my mom has been there. A long time ago, but still. Small worlds and all that.

Now, I really need to go to bed. I'm hoping for a much less X-Men centric dream this time. Why can't I ever dream about useful informative things?