So I somehow managed to turn on the tv during some reshowing of that horrendous 1991 travesty of a Robin Hood movie. The one where Robin has a porno mustache and Uma Thurman is bratting it up as Maid Marian while some not-exactly-French noble lord is Captain Le Kirk-ing it up in the castle. This must never be seen by human eyes again. I thought momentarily of the better Robin Hood of that year- Prince of Thieves, except, no, that was awesome only for Alan Rickman's sherrif and by comparison to the yuck of the former. No, no it is time to spread the gospel of the real Robin Hoods, and other classic hot stuff.

I am sorry, New BBC Robin Hood Guy, but you just are not Richard Greene. Richard Greene is classic, he's corny, he's kind of some random 1950s guy who stumbled into Ye Olde Renaissance Fair Medieval England Foresty Bit, but you know what? You just don't care. I grew up obsessively watching and rewatching The Adventures of Robin Hood tv series on tape. It's black and white and courtesy of whatever came before the BBC, I think, but I was in love. I wanted to run away and learn archery from Maid Marian, live in the forest and follow the Merry Men on daring heists against the swanningly evil Prince John. I still do. (more info?) This Robin Hood is reassuring- he's got this sense of humor and he doesn't mind that Maid Marian can out-shoot him, and sure he's pretty much made of awesome, but you just know that no matter what he's going to do the right thing and he'll help you and it's all going to be okay. ... also his voice is just amazing. Something about Richard Green's voice is exactly what I want to hear telling me bedtime stories. I've weirded my mom out by randomly shrieking in the midst of old movies "OMG THAT'S RICHARD GREEN!" Because I can recognize his voice within one line.

Oh, and to New BBC Maid Marian and Uma Thurman? Bernadette O'Farrell's Marian will own you. She's Robin's equal with the bow, she can use a knife, she outsmarts the villains and she busts Robin out of jail way too many times for me to remember. There's also the kind of hilariously 1950s no-really-it's-not-kinky scene where she lets Robin out and then has him tie her up in the dungeons. There's even a handkerchief gag. O.o

Oh, and let us mention the Sheriff of Nottingham. He's sly, he's British, he's nefarious, he's devious. Oh, how I adore the Sheriff. I'm not even sure he has a name, but I am pretty sure he played every single villain in my imaginary games as a child. Except when Maleficent did. Maleficent/Sherriff were my One True Evil Pairing as a child.